Papers, papers, papers

Let's compare and contrast: regular words vs. graduate school lexicon:

"This description seems very specific, yet gives us little actual detail, like all the other numerous mentions of her beauty in the novel."

Or in graduate school speak: "This description has the trappings of specificity without actually achieving it."

It's crunch time for the semester - wrapping up my opera and literature paper now on Manon Lescaut (one 18th century French novel, two 19th century operas). Then onwards to further literary lands!

Performances!

Oh, graduate school... how you suck up all my time with books, papers, and more books. I'm not surprised really, but there's definitely a quick clip to all the words I've been cramming into my head.

That's why it was so fun to go see The Rover by Aphra Behn. This restoration comedy is full of disguise and identity play as everyone shakes out to get with the person they'll marry. Plus it's Carnival - lots of great masks. The language is playful, the double entendres plentiful. Put on by ACT's MFA program, this production had minimal sets used to great effect as well as great acting (including some fantastic British and Spanish accents). Was quite entertained - it closes this week, so if you have $10 and are in San Francisco, go check it out!

Sunday Martin and I went to see SF Opera's production of Xerxes. A rarely performed Handel opera, this was also a fun comedy with a love quadrangle and plenty of gender play. The king is sung by a woman, the king's brother by a counter-tenor (who sounds like a woman), plus a fiancée disguised as a man who's come to see the king (her intended) only to find he's fallen in love with another woman... Yep, totally straightforward is not a description that works here.

Since I'm taking an opera and literature class, it was fun to actually understand some stuff the pre-show talk addressed and explain some conventions, like recitative. The costumes here were fantastic too with the chorus all in grey, watching the action like they were watching a play (complete with programs for every activity). The slow motion clapping and stylized action really added to an already visually interesting production. I loved when the general is singing and his soldiers lawn bowling behind him, moving the balls so that he wins.

There's a love aria sung to a tree too. Check out some clips here on the SF Opera site.

Yosemite!

After hearing students mispronounce Yosemite for months (they say it Yo-see-might (yes, those are fake phonetics. I don't care much for phonetics in a general way...)) finally I got to go see it for myself! Martin and I went for his birthday, leaving Thursday afternoon and driving into rush hour traffic, extending our together time in the car perhaps just a bit more than ideal. I hate the stop and go of rush hour; and then it was quickly dark with nothing much to do and miles to go.

Luckily, Martin isn't only good-looking, he's also smart. So he suggested we play a game: someone picks a letter and then we both look for words beginning with it. I was skeptical, but quickly became very good at it. It was a theme of the trip, with a new letter either in the morning or after a long time being out of the car. There are lots of words that start with c, for example, along highway 49. Who knew? It was a fun way to watch the road as I navigated our way on twisty bits of highway and byway.

Because it was a last minute trip, we ended up staying in Sonora, a very tourist trap looking town with some nice people in it. Our Days Inn even turned out to be in a historic hotel building on the main drag (the soundproofing was less than ideal). It was a little over an hour's drive to Yosemite itself and then lots of time in the car once you get inside the park... I'm truly tired of sitting down.

Thankfully there was lots to see outside. We took some mini-hikes, enjoyed looking at incredible configurations of rocks, trees, and waterfalls that were endless in their combination, yet never boring. It's a magnificent place. I felt like I was in an Ansel Adams photo album pretty much the entire time (but in color!). There was a frightening moment when we were debating lunch options at the food court at Yosemite Lodge. Suddenly, a busload worth of European (mostly French) tourists comes flowing in like a torrent, swarming over trays and working to get into lines in a layout that is not well-designed for traffic flow. We were slightly scared, and so got out while the getting was good, fighting against the stream for the door and then outside to comparative safety. Unfortunately the next lunch possibility was a 20 minute walk back to where we'd just been, but the deli at the end made it all ok.

This weekend adventure means that I've not quite gotten my reading done for classes tomorrow, but look for a post with photos soon! Summary sentence: Yosemite is gorgeous beyond belief, though one acclimates after a few hours. Kind of. And then it gets dark... incredible stars at night too.

It even defies a summary sentence. How's that for a plug?

Cool San Francisco Maps

I heard this story on NPR the other day about maps and thought it sounded cool. Folks have found old fire insurance maps from 1905 and put them into digital format with the idea of overlaying them with current city topography. It's amazing to see what was where (I found my current block used to have a billiards factory and some hotels as well as a stable). Worth checking out if you're into maps and random cartography fun!

Story podcast?

Idea struck me today as I was recounting the plot of this cool Aphra Behn novella The Fair Jilt: what if I did a podcast retelling this kind of classic literature in under 5 minutes? Perhaps with puppets made out of popsicle sticks or something very low budget and tech. I've been summing up literature for people since high school like Macbeth (there's this dude and his wife really wants to him to be king. So they make this plan...) or Hemingway (dude likes drinking, fishing, bullfights. He goes to do these things...) (yes, that's The Sun Also Rises).

Perhaps I'll try to recreate my epic retelling and post it up for a listen. But would people want to subscribe to such a thing? That's my real question.... Also, what would it be called? Not like I need another project at this time, but it's an idea.

Screaming for Jesus

This morning there seemed to be more noise than usual outside -- a quick look showed that it wasn't a parade or protest as I'd suspected. Instead, it was a line of folks outside a Christian truck handing something out (most likely food) singing songs and chanting unintelligible things. The noise culminated in folks shouting "Jesus! Jesus! JESUS! JESUS!" over and over again, much like sports teams do before a game to pump themselves up. Was this team Jesus? It's unclear.

Little Brother 2

Finished Little Brother; great read overall and hard to put down. Give it a try and see what you think too!

Little Brother

It's the first day of classes at SFSU, but my first class isn't until tomorrow. So what better time to read YA fiction?! I'm currently enthralled by Little Brother by Cory Doctorow. Though I'm not finished (about a third left to go), I'm thinking more about civil liberties and what patriotism means for those who want to actually fight for rights and freedoms. Not that the book is totally heavy - a 17 year old vows to take down Homeland Security after a terrible terrorist attack cripples the Bay Area. Thanks to Rebecca for the recommendation!

I must admit a secret love for those who hack, starting with Elsbeth Salander in The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo. She does incredible things with weak excuses for security and brings down bad guys (well, most of them) (and totally in her own way). With the interwebs being so full of ideas, openness makes more and more sense. Heck, Doctorow even has his book downloadable for free and a blog post explaining why. I like it.

English Episodes #16 - Endings & Beginnings

My last day of teaching regularly was yesterday, a fact that is both exciting and sad. I've grown to really enjoy my intermediate class, there are definitely some amusing and eclectic personalities therein. But with grad school looming, I needed to clear my schedule as much as possible so that I can try to get in and get out of masters land.

That said, my last class was certainly a blast. We ate breakfast at Denny's (right around the corner from school). I was skeptical about such a field trip, but they totally loved the typical American experience therein. Also the fact that things were so BIG (it is America after all). Someone tried to drink the syrup like a shot, but didn't get far at all. I like how in a more causal context they start asking more personal questions both of me and each other. Grand Slams eaten, pictures taken by our good-natured waiter, we left behind empty plates and cups that were swiftly taken away.

A short stroll around Yerba Buena park had them taking tons and tons of photos in paparazzi gone wild style. I like that my classes like each other, it's nice to welcome in new members into a community that's willing to grow for them. Back at school, I gave them a short break before reconvening class. A couple were late, though, because they'd gone and gotten me a cake! It said "Beathany Good Luck We Love You" - so sweet! They'd also gotten a card that was furtively passed around and signed. One of my Korean students had her awesome mini-Polaroid camera and documented the cake, our breakfast, and my silly reaction :) I felt very loved. And very full of sugar with my black forest cake love and all. My colleagues seemed sad that I won't be there regularly, though I will keep subbing since my classes this semester don't happen in the mornings.

All in all, a very good day. One that makes me glad I've been teaching. I also have invites to Rome and Barcelona, Japan and Korea, so perhaps I'll be trying to get overseas and take people up on those. Time to renew that passport!

Home Front News

The summer seems to be a month of change for me. Birthday last month aside, I've got a new class, some new writing clients, and will be starting my grad program next month. I'm also moving at the end of this month into a new apartment. There are things to pack, furniture to debate keeping or selling, and organization to be had. Good thing I've been writing about professional organizers here recently! It's mostly exciting, not overwhelming (though I'll be hiring movers for the first time - back preservation says no lifting for me! Especially not with 1 flight of stairs going out, another going into new place).

I also saw Tales of the City at the A.C.T. last weekend. What a musical musical. I think they tried to jam every 70's reference ever into it, but I found the tales of these different residents on an imaginary San Francisco street engaging and amusing (for the most part). The stories were serialized and come in many volumes, though I've yet to read them. However, I've also become addicted to Alexander McCall Smith's 44 Scotland Street series. These are also serial stories published first in a newspaper (see the theme?) and hysterically funny to brutally honest by turns. I find them almost impossible to put down, especially since the short chapters mean you can read just one more. And then one more. And then yet another.

See what happens when I join summer reading? SFPL tracks your reading by time, not pages. I just signed up and need to post some backdated reading times, but I'm fairly sure that I read at least 40 hours in two months. As do most of the people I know, though our material is wide-ranging.

There may be photos of apartment transformations in the next month, but look for student and birthday party ones sooner than that.

English Episodes #15 - The Land of Intermediate

From advanced to intermediate - the range of English is so broad! I've been teaching an intermediate class now for a few weeks, which has proven somewhat entertaining as we all get to know each other better. I find a sly humor and childlike glee in their scatological humor because they're excited to get puns, even bad ones.

Speaking of bad puns - did you hear about the accident in the pie factory? 3.1415926 people were killed. Colleague told this joke this morning - the groans were loud.

We took a field trip to the market yesterday. They attempted to find apples (not really in season), discover new foods (doughnut peaches, tiny cucumbers, bizarre giant squash), and map out the area of Civic Center. We went inside City Hall to explore some more and happened upon a wedding! Looking at a statue of Harvey Milk, a justice of the peace asked us to move as there was going to be a wedding. It was just the couple and another (friend? brother? other family? hard to tell), we all loosely gathered around and watched. My students were curious (and concerned): where were their families? Is this common? Don't you need two witnesses? We all clapped and said congratulations when it was over. I love unexpected surprises on excursions!

Today someone told the class that a qualification you need to be a rock star is to have good looks and be a womanizer... where even to begin on that one? I did point out that it doesn't have to be that way, particularly if the rock star in question is a woman who likes men.

On the other hand, one of my new students loves Jane Austen. Another is a professional chef. We definitely have things to talk about. Entertainment abounds! Stay tuned for excepts from stories about someone getting a new job we wrote today (I love circle writing activities): I may have added zombies, vampires, and aliens to a few, but why not?

English Episodes #14 - Final CAE fun

Some amusing incidents from the last few weeks of my CAE course:

• Playing Taboo: big chimpanzee to gorilla to Godzilla. What?
• I gave my students chopsticks for good luck before their exam. When we all went for Japanese food a few weeks ago everyone not from Asia had been excited to perfect their skills. My Korean students told me that it's a Korean tradition to give a small gift before an exam, like chopsticks. So culturally savvy I am!
• Shocking class with my new, short haircut. "It looks like you!" says a student. (I hope so).
• Some students are describing a picture of a wizard with a "magic stick." I explain that this is a significantly different item than a magic wand, which is what is in fact pictured.
• "I fly with my private jet."

I'll miss them for sure.

English Episodes #13 - The End of CAE

June is a great month (and not just because it's my birthday!). I've successfully completed teaching my Cambridge CAE class; students did written exam on Wednesday, speaking test on Thursday. They were a great bunch and really bonded in what seems like a meaningful way. We had lots of fun at the end, playing silly games (one learned that Charlie Sheen is known for cocaine use - shocker, right?!?) and generally trying to not stress about the looming exam. I had them over to my house for class on Friday and everyone brought food from their country, a mix of Korean and Swiss starches it was with noodle and bread-based mains, pudding cake and my world-famous chocolate chip cookies for dessert.

The funniest part? When one came in with a 18 pack of Budweiser - I can't remember the last time I saw anyone drinking such a thing.

It's a weekend of birthdays, so popping around to parties around the city. Mine will be Sunday since Monday isn't an ideal party day... Impressed because I actually already have the supplies on hand. Plus a long RSVP'd list. Tres exciting!

Oh, Italians

Italians are always right, just as many other folks from the Mediterranean are. I came across this post about how to make pesto and giggled a whole much. The author has definite opinions he is unafraid to share, from the blasphemy of mixing different cheeses to using a blender.

Yet he doesn't toast his pine nuts. I question his credibility on this point alone... But I still want to eat some pesto now.

English Episodes #12 - Who Would Win?

Yes, I've become mired in the mixed joy that is teaching CAE Cambridge exam course. We've just finished week 8 of 12 - whew! Some funny things for your Friday afternoon...

Today ended class playing the game Who Would Win? The idea is to come up with convincing arguments about what famous person would win in some shared activity, like Mick Jagger vs Martha Stewart in Hairdressing. I modified the original rules a bit so 2 students would argue for a minute, each one supporting the card they had drawn, and then the rest of the group votes on whose explanation is better. The person with most points wins; here are some examples of the pairs that occurred:

• Britney Spears vs Cleopatra in video gaming
• Karl Marx vs Christopher Columbus in weightlifting
• Madonna vs Lance Armstrong in swordfighting
• Da Vinci vs Caesar in wargames
• King Kong vs Pope John Paul II in tennis

Hilarious, I tell you. They also told me yesterday I should run for president after giving a pseudo impassioned speech about international relations and the importance of getting along. The slogan for my campaign? "No, you can't."

I know that I've been not updating as frequently as some of you would like; my freelance writing work has really picked up and is eating up most hours that I spend in front of the computer, for which I am sorry. Please bear with me! And think about what other ridiculous pairings you can come up with for your own version of Who Would Win?

English Episodes #11 - A new chapter begins

I finished up with my pre-intermediate class late March so that I could start teaching a Cambridge Advanced Exam prep course (think a harder TOEFL test). I was so sad to see my group go; they've really made a great community (as well as a quite amusing one). That said, I had about a 1/3 of my class leave that last Friday as well, so it was a fitting time to close that chapter.

But the funny bits from the vault!

We learned that one of our cohort had to get reconstructive surgery on his nose twice after it was messed up in a fight with his friend. He'd called it plastic surgery, but we learned nuance of the two types (Note: These are folks that have a hard time talking about past events with nuance but they totally get the difference between elective and non-elective surgery). Anyway, it fit into our discussion of medical vocab, what to say at the doctor, etc. This guy explained that they had to take cartilage out of his ear to put into his nose and now the tip of his nose is hard, not squishy.

Imagine a classroom of folks all pushing on the tips of their noses at the same time.

It gets funnier.

As we're pondering these facts, another pipes up: "So, can you use your cellphone like this?" He puts his hand in front of his nose and mouth, the speaker being next to the nose. Laughter begins but escalates when our surgery recipient agrees and says: "Yes! And I put my earphones here" pointing to his nostrils.

We all lost it. It was a great ending class with lots of photos, a few tears. We also did a fun writing exercise that I post excerpts from later.

Last Friday I ran into one of my former students after class who started to cry on me and gave me a hug. She said that I was the best English teacher she'd ever had, that we'd learned so much more than just speaking. It moved me more than I can truly say - she's so sweet and was so obviously emotional in a way I'd not expected at all. We took photos together after she'd wiped her tears and promised to see each other soon "on the Internet."

I only friend my students on the book of face after they are my students. It's easier that way.

Thoughts on pain & death

That's quite a downer of a title, isn't it?

But these are things that are circling in my head right now: I'm at a great cafe in my neighborhood getting ready to do some writing work. The barista I remember from a few visits ago - her friend had died and she was looking to go back home to Florida for the funeral that weekend. I gave her a hug before I left and wished her well. Then today I asked how it went - as with most funerals it sounds like a cathartic experience, one she said was really spiritual and moving. That there's a connection between that group of friends that wasn't there before - it makes me think of Billie and what happened when he died in such an untimely way in 2004. There's something about losing a friend (or hearing about the loss of a friend) that makes me think about mortality in a more tangible way.

I survived my first MRI today as well - the narrow tube was like a spaceship and I kept my eyes firmly shut on the advice of a friend who'd had one before. Deep breathing served me well and now I have a crazy CD of pictures of my spine... Perhaps now the doctor types can tell me why I want to cut off my right hip because the pain gets so bad. Here's hoping.

Next post will be more entertaining, I promise.

Book humor

I just got a link to this great site that condenses a book down to a concise and often funny title. Perfect for my literary funnybone. Shakespeare's Crossdressing Helps Everyone Find Love, Flaubert's A Hipster Stalks a Woman Old Enough to Be His Mom, and The Danes Outsource the Exterminator (aka Beowulf).

Be amused. I certainly am.

Musicals! And other adventures

Went on Tuesday to see Avenue Q, one of my favorite musicals ever. English school I teach at had group tickets, so a bunch of staff went along to laugh at the antics. How can I not love a musical that starts with "What can you do with a BA in English?" and goes on from there? The jokes about the Japanese immigrant "I'm coming to this country for opportunity" are even funnier now that I've been working to prevent folks from saying that very thing.

Along with that fun, I went out for drinks with some of my current and former students on Wednesday. We had the typical cultural San Francisco experience of having issues deciding on where to go, but finally found a spot that was close and looked good. Only problem is that they brought other friends along too from current classes or what have you, so we had a group of almost 16 trying to find room in bars during happy hour downtown. Went to a couple different ones, then got a big outdoor table (though it was a little chilly). One of them shared these hilarious maps with me: The world according to San Francisco, and Europe according to the US. I like this art a whole bunch, and laughed at things like all of Russia being "Commies". I like the rest of this artist's work as well, check it out!

Worth a giggle or two; I find my stereotype jokes increasing almost daily!

English Episodes #10 - the fun continues

The classroom antics never stop!

My class did charades to practice present continuous. After doing a big round, they made up some sentences that the other team had to act out and guess the exact sentence. These included:
"I'm running in Golden Gate Park."
"We are looking for a girlfriend."
"They're talking about movies."
"I'm waiting for Obama."
"We are losing our head."
"You are fighting with a pig."
"I'm thinking about my job."
"I'm speaking in France."
"We're running the Marathon in New York."
"She's riding crazy sheep."
"They're watching a adult video." (I had to explain more what this meant afterwards...)
"I'm riding a horse."
"He's surfing on the ocean."
"You're making a sandwich in the kitchen."
"She's fighting her friends."
"He's watching the movie 'Titanic'."

Earlier one of the clues was "eating turkey." The mimer pointed to the student who is from Turkey and everyone instantly guessed. Incredible.
"Baking bread" the mimer grabs my arm and goes as if to bite it. Ummm, what? Turns out he confused biting with baking. Whoops.

My drawing is very, ummm, modern at times. This causes endless amusement. I draw a whale, they say "a flower?" I draw a parrot, they say "a penguin?"

Student: "What's the word - they are married and go on vacation?"
Me: "Honeymoon."

"In 10 years we are going to use fly car. In 50 years we are going to teleport and digital glasses. In 100 years we are going to live in Outer Space in the moon. Housekeepers and pets are robots machines."

"In 100 years we're going to communicate with external world people (alien) by new language. In 100 years we're going to read your thoughts."

"It's a very important man."
"God?"

"My facebook [name] is Handsome Guy. Brad Pitt."
[. . .]
"You're 23? Not 15?"

"Hair? I don't understand. I don't have."

Message vs massage. I explain there's quite a difference between the two...

"Long time you sit... Very big ass."

They write down the name of someone famous and then become that person for a party. It includes 2 Obamas, 2 Brad Pitts, Angelina Jolie, Beyoncé, Einstein, David Beckham, JFK, John Lennon... I stop the exercise by saying the police have shown up, so the party is shut down.

English Episodes #9 - dramatic creations

I had my class write skits using social English phrases. The instructions were for them to be ridiculous and use as many of the phrases as possible, everything else was up to them. Voilà some of the results (taken from the actual manuscripts, errors intact):

Boss & New Employee
-Good morning Boss. How are you?
-I'm feeling bad because I drunk too much last night. How are you?
-I'm feeling so good today! I'm very happy to work with you! It's my first day! I'm so excited!
-Oh! Sorry. Can you speak more quietly please? I'm tired (sneeze).
-Bless you.
-Can I take a nap?
-Excuse me?
-No problems! It doesn't matter. Do anything you want to work. I'm gonna take a nap...
-What?
-I'm going back home, ok? See you tomorrow!
-Wahoo, he's very crazy!

Police Officer & Alice
-Good morning Madame.
-Silence please.
-What? Is time to get up! What's your name?
-Alice. Why?
-Are you drank Alice?
-No! (and after she take tequila bottle for drink and she say) Cheers!
-Go out of the car! Show me your drink! Is really a tequila?
-Yes is a tequila.
-Good I like it, cheers.
-Cheers.
-Give me you key! I want to drive your car.
-Ok we change our car. Nice to meet you. Goodbye.
-Bye.

Harry Potter at a party
-Cheers!
-Cheers!
-What's your name?
-I'm Hermione.
-Nice to meet you Hermione.
-What's your name?
-My name is Harry Potter. How old are you?
-I'm 15 years old and you?
-I'm 256 years old.
-It's 9 o'clock, it's the time to go to bed for you!
-Same to you!!! Have you seen my friend Hagrid?
-It's a joke, you are really from the movie? Achoo!
-Bless you.
-Thanks.
-I'm the real Harry Potter. You can know my robe, my glasses, my scarf. Would you like to dance with me? (*I started thinking at this point "will the real Slim Shady please stand up..." - BQ)
-No.
-Why?
-You are too old for me. I say you goodbye.
-See you tomorrow.
-No, see you never. Goodnight.
-I'm not lucky with the young girl.

Two students (named omitted to protect privacy)
-How are you?
-I'm terrible.
-Why? Do you have a cold?
-Yes, I have a cold. Achoo!
-Bless you. Oh, I saw you outside at 3:00 AM last night. What did you do last night?
-I went clubbing to the club.
-Did you met handsome guys? My friend said me you're very good dancer.
-Just kidding. I met many handsome guys. So, I was so happy. But, I fell down while I was dancing. So, I scraped my knee.
-Oh, yesterday was a terrible and happy day. Because, you met handsome guys and scraped your knee and caught a cold.
-Yes, I was so embarrassed. So I run outside and I fell down again.
-HAHAHAHA. You shouldn't go the club.
-I think so. I'm so tired.
-You'd better take a rest. Have a good weekend.
-Thanks. Same to you.

Two dudes... (names omitted).
-Good morning. I'm _______.
-Nice to meet you. ______.
-How are you?
-Fine thanks.
-Achoo!
-Bless you.
-Thanks.
-Excuse me.
-Yes, can I help you?
-Yes, I need a tissue.
-Of course!!!
-Thank you so much. Oh sorry! I'm sick because I had slept with your sister the last night. She was sick!!!
-Me too, don't worry!! (*He slept with his own sister or he slept with the other guy's sister? I decided not to probe too deeply here. - BQ)
-What did you do with my sister the last night?
-Nothing, nothing! We watched a movie in her bed!!!
-And then?...
-Only sleep, of course!!!
-Oh, you are my brother-in-law!
-No! Is a good friend only see her sometimes!! I have wife!
-What? I don't understand you!!! I heat you!
-Ok. Cheers for this!!!
-Cheers.
-I have a question.
-What?
-What was her name?
-Her name is Rosia Fred.
-Oh. She is Fred sister. She isn't my sister.
-Really? (*At this point "Fred" gets up and makes threatening moves towards them. Ah, drama!)
-Sorry, I go back at my house. Have a good weekend.
-Same to you.
-See you tomorrow.
-Bye! See you then!

I had each group do the skits twice so that we could listen for different things. When this last group was told to slow down, they did the first few exchanges in extreme slow motion. Complete hams...

English Episodes #8 - Love is in the air

More from the archives of this past month in pre-intermediate English land. I feel like most of them are funny without any kind of context, so here we go (unless indicated otherwise, these are all student exchanges and comments):

"My neighbors are beautiful women."

Older people stink, are nosy, boring, lonely, kind and think young people are imprudent. Ah, the joys of stereotyping about the generation gap.

"Where is my hand?"
"In your pocket."

"I'm the most expensive in Korea. You?"

"Korea has many handsome men. Like me."

"What is die?"
"I show you."

"Are you spongy?"
"No, I am hard."

Listening to social English phrases, everyone yawns in unison repeating "Goodnight!" The voice that says the numbers sounds like the announcer for movie previews - it's pretty darn exciting.

I draw a shuttlecock (we're doing sports words) much to the class's derision. So another student comes and draws a better one. His is superior, though mine is still bigger (comparatives!).

"Your garden is your beard."

Pronunciation! I was observed by one of the big bosses and had them do activity with country names and nationalities. The ending exercise was finding stress patterns. Thus my boss and I are trying not to die laughing as we hear pairs saying things like: "I-tal-y" "i-TAL-y" "i-tal-Y" over and over and over again trying to decide where the stress falls. Incredible.

Working with a private very advanced student, something with an assassin came up. He decided this was an intern assassin working on his 10,000 hours to then make professional status.

English updates #7

January saw us finishing the book and everyone taking a level test and PASSING! As of 25 Jan I now teach pre-intermediate (excited because got to stay with my class). But fear not, the hilarity ensues...

"Sometimes I am selfish in my girlfriend." Ummmm, ok...

Doing superlatives, we lined up according to who was the tallest/shortest, oldest/youngest, etc. I asked who was the most dangerous... and the class left me to stand all alone in that part of the room.

Going around to review names, I had students say the name of the person to their right. Our regular class clown is supposed to say mine but instead says, "I only remember pretty girls' names."
"Good thing I'm a woman then," I reply (which goes right over his head).

Cooking can be dangerous because of kitchen ninjas. I attacked them with my knife as I was modeling "chop" and then continued to cut up whatever it was that I was cutting. You know, kitchen ninjas, right? They attack all the time.

Acting out adverbs (adverbs are way fun to teach), I had 2 groups of students miming things like "Order coffee politely," "Play chess well," "Walk proudly." After they'd finished, the groups came up with some more for the other team to mime. We all stopped to watch one student who was acting out (did we but know!) "Ride a horse aggressively." His mime was a bit like doing the mashed potato as he pumped his fists in and out from his chest while galloping hard across the room. The best part was that no one could guess so he just kept doing it, over and over and over. We were all laughing so very hard. Use this the next time you play a miming game - it's a treat.

A colleague told us in the teacher's room that one of her students sleeps with tweezers every night. She can't fall asleep unless she has them in her hand. We speculated as to what the TSA would say (they were on the hazardous object list) and how exactly she started. Was it a conscious decision? Or a serious of odd events?

A jealous husband will search his wife's bag, check the numbers she calls on her phone, follow her, and otherwise try and control her. Be warned.

"When you don't eat you diet."

"Wife, it's a scary word."

"I use L'oreal for my hair." He has perhaps 1 inch worth of hair. But it is very shiny.

From a email written to make hotel reservation (on asking about bar services): "water I could find in the bathroom." Another student wanted to have a "sweet room." I had them write to make reservations as if they were rich and had an entourage as well.

English Episodes #6 - the revenge of stereotypes

Practicing adverbs is a great time to make sweeping statements about large groups of people! I gave my class a sheet with statements like: "They drive dangerously in ___________" and had them fill in the blanks, plus come up with some of their own. Here's a sampling of the results:

People speak English well in England.
The woman are beautifully in Sweden.
Weed is only for crime people.
All good things are difficult and expensive.
They drink vodka well in Russia.
They drive dangerously in India, Paris, Roma, Las Vegas, NY (not all one response).
They play soccer badly in Brazil.
People in Italian talk loudly.
They play soccer badly in Turkey.
People speak Spanish well in Spain.
They ride horse very well in Texas.
They play tennis badly in Russia.
People watch play soccer game well in England.
They people very loudly in China.
People walk fast in Tokyo.

Ah, sweet judgment.

Holiday times & Happy New Year!

Ah, 2011, we thought you would never get here... After my 23 solid working days in December, the holidays because a lovely time to just relax and laze about. The plan to get a Christmas tree never quite materialized and trying to buy one after 6 p.m. on Christmas Eve, well, didn't work out either. So went and helped Sarah do stuff with fish and ice at her restaurant, then out to eat the traditional Indian food of Christmas Eve at our favorite place on Fulton. Delicious as always! I decorated the aloe plant with festive garland and ornaments, so we did have some holiday cheer in the living room (and a place to put presents!).

Christmas Day involved lots of sleep, hanging out with books, and me not leaving the house. A delicious lasagna was constructed with things like marscapone, butternut squash, kale, mushrooms, and a ton of white sauce. Super delicious. Good to take a break from the hustle and bustle. Spending time down in Monterey the following week was even more relaxing - I love hotels and feeling decadent. Also extreme lounging, then going to see a fabulous aquarium with everything from otters (and tons of puns about them) to jellyfish to seahorse exhibit. Plus the hordes of school-aged kids - that felt incredible for different reasons. I still love just looking at the ocean. Huzzah water! And learning!

Happy New Year to all - here's to having it be a better and fuller one that 2010! I hope you're enjoying the English Updates, I'll try to sprinkle some of my other doings here and there as I once again work on having more regular posts! A goal for the next month for sure. Sasha (new roomie) has been talking about having small, weekly goals instead of overarching ones for the year. I like this idea.

More English! #5

The episodes continue:

The day after "You are very handsome. Joke!" the word "liar" came up. So what does the same student do to Max? Turn and say, "You are very handsome. I am a liar!"

A student made rice krispie treats for the class incorporating fruity pebbles to give them color and flair. They were delicious, but I still laughed at the idea of using fruity pebbles (perhaps my notion of American-style treats is a narrow one. Or maybe I was jealous I'd not thought of it first).
His response: "Don't laugh. It's my American experience."

In late December I started having students do 10 pushups if they come late to class after a break (by more than a minute). Today I had 2 different students do them at 2 different times. The dictatorship is benevolent, but it is still a dictatorship.

Taking my students on a scavenger hunt in Hayes Valley was a silly & fun time as they came up with categories of restaurants and stores, found out the prices of different items, and *gasp* had to talk with strangers to get directions to some of the locales. After walking over Alamo Square we then had lunch at Nopalito, one of my favorite restaurants (though it got mixed reviews from students due to spice factors). Once again, I had to watch out for Max attempting to order alcohol (I'm tolerant, but he's 18. No dice, son.) and got the waiter on my side early on. All the staff was super friendly and helpful explaining things. My favorite was when we went to order dessert - their mainstay are paletas, the ultimate popsicle. Unfortunately there were only 2 apple left, so 2 people of the 4 who had ordered them had to change. Given a choice between persimmon/lime/cream and chocolate, Max ordered orange. And was told again that they only had 2 flavors, but that this one was like orange. He ordered chocolate, even though encouraged to be adventurous.
The waiter's response (with headshake): "Max, I'm disappointed in you."
Amazing.

This week I've had 14 students - it's getting crowded in elementary English land. I told them yesterday that I have 7 boyfriends, one for every day of the week. One of the new students piped up - "6 is better. Sunday is for resting." We're going to get on fine.