December English learning part 2 (#4)

More from the classroom:

"You are mistake!"

"She went home by boat." (Not BART?)

From tests I graded:
"I went to sleep (or in American-French slang 'I put the meat in the blanket!!!')"
"She hates going to supermarkets (because she doesn't like eating vegetables)."

Student trying to justify his word choice: "It sounds good to me."
Me: "It doesn't sound good to me."

Fun with Max
The class decided that Max, our youngest class member, is rich. Over the course of a few days, it was decided that he was going to marry one of the Japanese women and move to Japan. Also that we were all going to his house in France on vacation. He said his house is Versailles, so plenty of room. I said something about how the beds are too small for me there. He disagreed and then everyone made fun of him for not knowing about his own house...

Me: "Some French men are charming."
Max: "For me it's not a problem."

Pronouncing cupboard, I drilled one student a few times early in the class. He then turned on Max when it was pronounced incorrectly and drilled him several times. "Cu-burd. Repeat!"

"We are family, no?" Max on why the whole class should come to my house for New Year's Eve even when I tell them I'm not going to be there... My roommates were amused. I have made sure my students don't know exactly where I live just in case.

Max asks the meaning of the word "joke" - I ask the class if anyone knows a joke so we can model the idea for him.
Student to Max: "You are very handsome. Joke."
I die laughing, have to turn my back on class to get my composure.
Max: "I am a joke?"

December English learning (#3)

When I got back from my Thanksgiving break, I asked my elementary class how they did with the sub. They complained that he'd sat in the corner the whole time and wasn't very dynamic.
I asked, "Did you destroy the sub?"
Class (looking puzzled), "Destroy? What means?"
I then picked up a piece of paper, ripped it apart, threw the pieces on the ground and ground them under my heel, stomping for full effect. Finished, I looked up. "Destroy."
"Ah, yes. We understand."
This was perhaps in the first two minutes of class. There were three new students who I'd not met yet who had fear in their eyes - who is this crazy person that everyone else is so excited to see?

Other fun things overheard in class:
"I love excess velocity. The policeman doesn't understand my emotion," when riding a motorcycle.

"I had difficulty to get it up." Reason for being late to class... perhaps not the reason he wanted to give. I let that one go.

"I threaten him with saw. ... We put the body in the bucket." From activity using everyday objects to solve ridiculous problems (you're hosting a dinner party and find a body in the dining room you want to get rid of before letting guests in, for example).

I told my class that boys were things. The men weren't very impressed by this idea. Later, "why is it pick up girls and not girl?"
My response? "Because you have two arms. One for each!"

On asking my class for ways to murder someone (the unit was about mysteries and crime) they came up with a huge list, including:
-beat to death
-push someone off a tall building
-cut
-choke/strangle
-explode with a bomb

Have I mentioned this is a beginner/elementary level class? Incredible range.

English fun! Week 2

(Beginner level)

After talking about verbs of routine (get up, brush teeth, go to work, etc) I had students write out a typical day for different people from student to bank manager to president. My favorite though was the rock star. Here are some of my favorite lines:
"puts on rock star clothes"
"finishes concert and goes to dinner with your friends" (presumably you don't go, not being cool enough)
And after going to the club, dancing with the girls and going home with one, at 8 a.m. "protects himself from the paparazzi" while leaving her house. I was surprised it was only one girl, but my students said they were trying to do a truly typical day.
Fair point.

I made my class sing along to "Pretty Woman" and perhaps did some goofy dancing.
Student: "Is that Indiana dancing?"
"No. But if you don't sing, I'll dance more!"
Unsurprisingly there was more singing after that point.

The Japanese don't dance, my 2 Japanese students inform me.
"What about Dance Dance Revolution?"
"I play that with the controller."
Other students were understandably shocked.

I'm going to try and figure out a way to scan and post some original writing; stay tuned.

Giving thanks

As many of you know, I love love love coming home to Indiana for Thanksgiving cavorting with the Qualls clan. This year was no exception, though we were thinner on the ground than normal for the actual day.

Perhaps it's having hordes of people to bake for. I got back to the Bloomington homestead 2:30 on Weds after swinging by the grocery store and went into full pie baking mode. The last two came out of the oven (with the help of the lovely Sarah E, also in town for feasting with family) before midnight. 6 pies of various types - not a bad day's work. The cabinet in the garage where these things are staged was full with Kenny, Chuck, Nancy, and my efforts. Delicious efforts at that. Uncle Bill stayed in New Zealand (we missed him and aunt Linda so much!) so I recruited Mark to carve with me. The first turkey was a tender, insane mess and literally fell apart whenever we touched it. Each chopping up though. The smoked one (gracias Knapowskis) was a bit more solid; luckily we'd practiced our moves a bit.

The cousins continue to amuse as they get older; I love how the house is filled with card and game playing, scrabble, mille bornes, even bridge. The running amok within the confines of the house (the rain didn't make me want to leave at all though), the evening singing around the piano, the fact that people show up and we might not even know who they are but welcome them in anyway... and then discreetly figure out who they know in the house.

Last night I got talked into making chocolate chip cookies. And then had everyone watch Scott Pilgrim Vs the World. Hilarity ensued, though last gathering's watching of the Riff Trax Twilight perhaps will never be repeatable. In short, I love seeing folks, baking, and chat chat chatting the week away. What a wonderful time. I'll stop gushing now.

But how excellent it is to have so much to be thankful for, especially after such a rough summer/early fall. Life is gorgeous. For reals.

English updates

From the classroom this week (beginning level English):

Americans sell drugs in the supermarket. They also have walking coffee. (Just wait, Starbucks will bring this out next year, coffee that follows you).

I, Bethany, am a caveman since I don't have a TV, iPhone, and use a paper planner. How backwards!

From a fellow teacher: "Imagine a world of awkwardness."
Me: "I'm in England! I'm in England!"
Oddly enough, the Brit in the room laughed while an American made an offended face.

Laura Croft and Napoleon would be a good match because they both like guns. Cleopatra and Harry Potter because she likes younger men. (This comes from a speed dating role play they did where everyone was some character/historical figure. Barbie, Snow White, and Batman also took part.)

Two students went to the Castro yesterday and saw a naked man.
Me: "He was naked?"
Student 1 (pause): "Well, he was wearing boots."
Student 2: "And a backpack."
Me: "So not completely naked."
Student 1: "Well no. But we're from conservative country. You don't see things like that."
Thank goodness for the gays.

New metaphors!

Awhile ago I came up with the idea that I was done with the wooden building blocks of relationships and that it's lego time. I like this idea. Blocks slip, they slide, they can splinter (!!!) whereas legos click together, come apart decently easily, can be washed and/or sanitized... much cleaner, much neater, much saner.

This idea obviously has more places to go. Onward!

Shoes!

It's Friday. Sarah needs new shoes. So, time for shoe shopping!

We end up at Nordstrom after looking at other options. Poking around for a clog substitute, not having very much success. Finally we ask someone for help - this is the joy of Nordstrom. Amazing customer service. Katie brings out stacks of things, most of which Sarah rejects quickly. She has a vision. Then we see some shoes by Faryl Robin and they are highly excellent, interesting boots and flats. So start trying on some more - since Sarah and I wear basically the same size it's fun to sample her rejects myself.

Suddenly Faryl Robin is there herself helping zip up a boot. She just happened to be in the store for an event and is excited about playing around with everything and anything. She gets Sarah to try on some wedges that are extremely excellent, though something she never would have tried herself. It's great. We talk about wearability, Sarah's restaurant, the joys of walking for miles in a pair of shoes. Finally Sarah settles to treat herself, birthday style, on some Millie calf high boots (which I love) and those Ella wedges which are I suppose ankle boots really, but so much more interesting. I'm excited because I asked what kind of leather the higher ones were, guessing goat, and it turns out I was right! How's that for talent? We discuss how using leather is actually nicer for the environment since not putting chemicals into water (which is what synthetics require) and Faryl promises to come by Sarah's restaurant the next time she's in town. We get Katie's number and talk about going dancing this weekend. Success!

Then it's time for a mani (me) peti (Sarah) as she prepares for a friend's wedding this weekend. What a great afternoon.

Slide every mountain!

One of the joys about being unemployed is that I can do things like go on a hike early Thursday morning with my lovely friend Victoria. She'd found a route over at the base of Mount Tam (in Marin Headlands) at Stinson Beach. It was a good looking loop and since I can walk for miles with my now almost-healed hip, I figured, why not?

My attempts to get to bed early were only slightly successful - my friend Matthew and I discovered a great wine bar in Glen Park, Red & White, but hadn't gotten too crazy the night before (they only do small production wines, incredible service, truly a treat!). Still, I was ready to go at 8 a.m. (early on my clock) and we set out to cross the Golden Gate Bridge.

There have been some lessons. One is that if the directions to get to the trailhead aren't very clear, chances are the directions for the route itself also won't be very clear. We did find it with a slight detour along Highway 1 (but it's so gorgeous who cares?) and headed into the woods. Amazing trees, canyon with stream, gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous. We were feeling pretty great and going up and up and up. Then get to an unclear fork. Looking at our directions we should have turned at Table Rock - Victoria swears she saw a sign farther down (I missed it) so what do we do? We check our position with the GPS on her phone (ah, the joys of the wilderness... cellphone signal) and it looks like if we head right going downhill we'll get back to where we should be.

So down we go. It's clear quickly that the grade is, ummm, steep. Sheer is another word that comes to mind. Lesson #2: stay on the bigger looking trails. The soil is sandy and prone to shift under our feet. We go very carefully. And then, about 2/3 down, I slip and slide on my problem hip maybe 20 feet. I go a little farther because sliding is easier than walking at this point. Wonderfully I'm not hurt, but now COVERED in dirt. And bruised a little more than I'd like. But I look totally badass. Victoria doesn't slide, but later trips over a rock on a level area of the path. Lesson #3: always watch your step. We are graceful hikers.

Eventually we find the path we'd been on, but below the turnoff point. Good riddance. End up trekking back down to the town of Stinson Beach and then along the beach itself. Snacks on rocks by the ocean are terrific things to have. Thus, we hiked, but not really where or how we had planned to. However, definitely worth getting back there better prepared and giving it another go!

Some writing from before...

So, I wrote this piece for a modern music festival in April and never posted the link here. I liked it, especially the snarky bio at the end. Volià!

It's over 70 today in San Francisco. Summer? Really?

Transitions - round 832

July was a busy month. I entertained the fabulous Michael D, cheered on roommate at finish of San Francisco Marathon (she ran 2nd half) and cooked pancake breakfast for 6 afterwards, went to an oceanside cabin on Bodega Bay, swore I would freeze to death in San Francisco's chill... and lost my job.

So now I'm yet another statistic. Luckily I was already one week into teaching European teens English at a language school (run by Canadians!), a course that lasted 2 weeks total. Being back in the classroom was challenging, but using my gray matter to bend teens to my will was entertaining at times, rewarding (yeah, it's hokey) at others. I learned they ride penguins in Spain. And the koala mafia fights with the butterfly mafia in Italy. When a kid said "2 butterflies came to my grandparents house..." then trailed off and looked at the ground in obvious sadness, reliving the painful memory it was amazingly hilarious. They were a creative class, that's for sure. I've also been teaching more French privately and finding that while French grammar trounces English in terms of complexity, I can still make people understand it. Mostly.

Job hunting isn't my favorite activity. But one gig I'm starting on is working with ConferenceHound.com; I have my first blog post with them up now. Their aim is to be something between kayak and yelp for conferences, a pretty cool idea. I'm working on other writing projects, trying to keep the resume factory productive, and learned the basics of driving stick shift so I could commute to another short-term gig last week. Joblessness finds me with so many things to do I wonder how I spent 40 hours a week working in the shop.

I also got my hands on The Girl who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. And read it all in less than a day - fabulous ending to a great, thrill-packed trilogy. I love it when the operations kick in and they outline all the clever steps involved so that justice can be served. He was a huge women's rights guy it seems as well from looking at his characters and plots.

Also discovered Porchlight, a local storytelling group here in SF and am looking forward to going to more of their events, maybe trying to tell a story or two of my own. My sister Cassie comes tomorrow morning for fun and fabulous times before she starts college - glad I have time to spend with her!

The visit of the young D...

My lovely brother Michael D came to visit for the first week of July and it was a blast. We walked around a bunch, I got some extra time off so we could go to Muir Woods and along the coast, museums, fourth of July party at Jaylan's place...

And we ate. A ton. Mike and I realized that we can pretend to be totally VIP since we know enough folks in the restaurants we frequent. Which is pretty cool. D seemed to be down for sushi, Indian, Asian fusion, whatever we fancied and thus we ate our way around the city. And then ate some more. And walked some more. I enjoyed going to the California Academy of Sciences for the first time and walking through a rain forest, even if the tree frogs in one part were fake. They were in reach of the walkway, I suppose it makes sense from the frogs' perspective, but odd to see a lady snapping a photo right after we'd ascertained they were, in fact, not breathing.

Also we figured out a good way to rig sheet over big bookcase in the living room for projecting movies. Die Hard 1 & 2 were great to see big. Great in that terrible way Die Hard movies are, that is. Power mullets are crazy!!!

It was lovely. I can't wait to do it again.

Also, happy Bastille Day a day late! Yay for freedom.

Baby Beauty Queens? Really?

I’ve been listening to a lot of the Savage Love podcast here recently. I like Dan Savage’s advice (usually), the quirky things that come up on the show, and how it is often sane, sensible advice given to folks who sound like they really and truly need it. (He's also frank and often raw, so if your workplace a is a quiet one, ummm, put on headphones if you're sneaking in a listen there).

It also is a way to get through unpleasant tasks – building Ikea furniture, sorting through that mound of papers I keep needing to sort through, even cleaning out my closet in my parents house full of memories from the first 20-odd years of my life.

So, channeling Dan Savage and my own honed ranting ability, I must confess how shocked and, well, shocked I was to see this tv show called “Toddlers and Tiaras” on TLC today. Yes, there is a show that is about beauty queens under the age of 9. This episode followed a few lovely “ladies” whose ages ranged from 3 to I think 6?

Every scene brought new horror. The mother who says that sometimes you have to be tough, but she supports her daughter and really just wants to be a supportive mother. Her daughter is 3. And is told that her “smile is fake” and that she “won’t win with a fake smile” repeatedly. This girl also gets fake spray tanning done, wears fake hair… has a makeup artist…

Perhaps I’m so riled because these women (there don’t seem to be many dads pushing their young daughters to be beauty queens that I could see) spend OBSCENE amounts of money on their little girls. Dresses, teachers, tanning, hair, nails, entry fees – thousands of dollars. One had spent over $35,000 for the initial “investment” of beauty shots, costumes, etc. Ummm, why don’t you invest that in her college fund? Or make a savings account for future need, a nest egg so that she has options when she finishes high school? Or buy her a toy tiara or two?

Another girl was distinctly bratty, spoiled totally and completely with a-need-to-win complex. She flounced, she rebelled, she fussed. Her mother said over and over “She has a lot of personality.” No. She is stubborn and spoiled and you encourage this behavior. I want to see the show in 10 years where the girls have eating disorders, body image issues, sleep with everything that breathes, get into partying, drugs, alcohol and other acts of rebellion and hear the mothers say they just "don’t understand" what could have caused this. Staring earnestly into the camera: "I’m a good mother, I’ve supported her decisions but I don’t get why she doesn’t think she can ever be good enough."

I’m positive that it was the girls themselves, naturally, who proposed the idea of being mini beauty queens to their mothers. Not the other way around. That instead of praise for what’s been accomplished, the mothers all seemed to hold their breath for the next bigger, better prize. Even though several of them admitted they didn’t understand how the crowning system worked – they still wanted that next big one.

The sight of the little girls wearing rhinestone crowns literally almost half their size… there are no words. Well, there are some. But they aren’t very complimentary ones. These rooms decorated with crowns, sashes, glitter and glitz – the girl who is the youngest of 8 and the only daughter – what are these girls learning about self-worth and looks?

That they obviously go hand and hand.

Perhaps that’s not so insidious, one could say. Our society has long honored the beautiful woman over the plain, over the smart, over the athletic (unless she is both/and of course). These girls are no worse than others who have mothers who push them to have boyfriends at 8, to idolize the Barbie image, to, to, to… I’m still reeling from the images of that show though.

Exploitation anyone?

Because I think it’s wrong. I don’t understand how those judges can do their job, how folks can think that this is a good idea. And I probably never will.

But at least my sister and I can agree that whatever weird or potentially terrible things our parents may have done to us in our youth (when she writes her life story you’ll get all the gory details) that was one thing that they didn’t do – we weren’t toddler beauty queens.

I made the mistake of telling them this. Their response: there are always the grandchildren.

Compassion and its lack

Yesterday brought with it a blinding realization. True, I had often expressed hatred for Yelp and other online review sites (but especially Yelp), but I never had a concrete, iron-clad reason for it. It was more of a miasma of unease, of bad taste left in mouth. Of not liking something because it's cool not to like a popular internet phenomenon (see twitter for more details).

Yelp doesn't promote compassion. In fact, it holds the distinction of doing exactly opposite. Places like this promote critical, unforgiving, unmitigated nastiness. Because there is never any recourse, there are never any repercussions against what might be false, exaggerated, or otherwise untrue.

I was talking with the woman who owns the shop next door about how reading Yelp reviews alone is a bad idea (just like drinking). It makes one angry and upset. She added that it's also a bad idea to look at them before going to work for much the same reasons. Because folks can say things like "you're just a glorified girl scout," on the internet, perhaps thinking they're funny. And maybe they are. But seriously? Really? What is that going to change? Why does the world need to know that you think I have an attitude problem after working a weekend in a busy store basically alone? How will that guide them in their cookie quest? Why do you care enough to post this? Conversely, why do I care what you think of me? (Because I liked to be liked is one reason.)

I mentioned this conversation to Mike and he riposted that I am just as critical. Especially of customers. Fair. But there's a difference between treating someone like a fellow human being and like a subhuman creature. I also don't post my nastiness on the internet but let it die a natural, oral death (most of the time). Thus speaks the service industry worker. What I also like is the idea of a reverse yelp where baristas and other service workers can follow customers to their important office buildings in financial centers or whathaveyou and rate their performance there. 3 stars because you slacked on your copying and phone call responding. 2.5 stars because you were a terrible kiss ass to your boss and she could totally tell.

And then we can post it on the internet for all the world to see.

I think this all comes into perspective as a new bakery/restaurant has opened up nearby. I went on the first day (Saturday) and had to wait a ridiculously long time for my sandwich because, hey, it's the first day and the kitchen is slammed. I get it. I went back yesterday with Sarah for breakfast and things were much smoother. And delicious. Also supernice counter help, even if one guy tried a little too hard to be smooth. Maybe he's new at this waiting game. Maybe that's his style and just not mine. Maybe I'm thinking too much. But what I will do is tell folks with my actual mouth about places I think are worthwhile and listen to what they have to say as well - it's called word-of-mouth I think. You do it by talking.

(She snarkily typed.)

giraffes. just because

I saw this comic on the weekend and cried I was laughing so hard. Can't get the image to display right, so click on the link. Really. You'll love it.

I also will be printing this out and putting it in my wallet.

Been also watching a bunch of Eddie Izzard and laughing a bunch there too - that man is a brilliant mime and excellent at looping his stories together with the oddest of connectors. Mice and the Italian Job; how can you not laugh? Enjoy something funny!

Watched Julie and Julia again last night with Sarah. I hate that she's so obsessed with her blog, her readers. I think that while the discipline of writing daily is a good one, I don't want to be so, ummm, self absorbed? Does that make sense? So pardon if I lean the other way and don't post so often. I'd like to get back to weekly updates. Also being like Julia Childs and living in Paris in a golden age.

Where is the time machine?

The not so frozen north

The trip to Humbolt county at the start of January was, ummm, not quite what we expected. Mike and I actually had made a reservation at a historic B&B in small town outside of Eureka. We never make reservations and thus have started most our trips trekking around looking for a place to stay. After eating an incredible brunch that lasted from 1 to 4 with Sarah and Nic we took off, figured out how to use Mike's ipod to listen to some interesting podcasts (Stuff you never learned in history class is my favorite). (Later buying a cable let us plug it into the car and thus actually hear everything through the much louder car speakers.) I drove curvy dark roads I didn't know in the fog and we arrived to Ferndale around 9 p.m.

Apparently the sidewalks roll up at 8 or 8:30, depending on the day.

The Lost Coast was gorgeous (it's lost because eroding into the sea, always shifting). Having a car let us drive around and explore random spots - a cheese factory in Loleta had viewing windows to the big vats of curds; it was like watching a Mr Roger's episode but in real life. Eureka had a few excellent used bookstores, also we got to tour the Lost Coast Brewery (this micro brew places are so tiny!) and ate lunch at their cafe. Trinidad further north was again gorgeous beaches and ocean too cold to even think about going near. Lots of natural beauty.

Unfortunately I got a fever on the first full day we were there and was very sick for most of the time we were supposed to be relaxing on vacation. Not the best timing, that's for sure. Sore throat, fever, coughing - not enjoyable for anyone around, that's for sure. I lost my appetite, which was a pity considering the HUGE portions of breakfast that came with our room. Granted, they weren't the tastiest examples of their kind. Still, I hate sending a plate off with stuff still on it.

Ferndale was a small town with lots of money, not a bucolic wilderness but one full of vitriol among its residents. We had a lively conversation one night with a gentleman who Mike reminded of his son, a new professor at Harvard under the age of 30 in statistical law. Wild. He wasn't from the town and had an outsider's view on gossip besides his own engaging stories to tell. And arguments to make. It was a diverting evening, but even so, we won't be returning to that spot.

But the redwoods when we were driving back in a misty rain - amazing. We hiked a little loop trail and were amazed at the grandeur, the silence, the sheer hugeness of the trees. It's the place I would go back to for spending more time for sure. Green, immense... beyond beautiful.

In our next episode: Film Noir fest. That'll finish out January's big fun. Stay tuned.

Happy holidays... yes, I'm late

This year marked my first real one in food during the holiday season. Coffee last year was busy, but not markedly different than the rest of the year. But macarons - oh my.

I sold a bunch of them. We sold out frequently. I was working seemingly all the time. My Christmas shopping took place mostly at local merchants mostly because I was doing it on my lunch breaks. Lots of cool locally made stuff out there though, so no complaints that I heard. Think I'm proudest of the the find, When French Women Cook, by Madeleine Kamman for my boss. A memoir about growing up in France and cooking, it also has a whole bunch of recipes including both US and metric measures. If you want to progress in a foreign language, find something you're interested in to try and read. It helps.

After a traditional Christmas Eve meal of nachos and watching funny shows, my house retired to sleep with visions of "a day off!" dancing in our heads. Nic headed down to LA for her family gathering a few days before, so Mike, Sarah, and I gathered around the tree in the morning (but not too early - Mike actually did wake up before 9 wanting to open presents but we can't get Sarah out of bed that early unless it's something like a fire. She regularly doesn't get home until after midnight from work, it's logical). Pot of tea at our side, we oohed and ahhed at the others treasure and then read our books some more. Restful.

The fun continued as we loaded ourselves and a bag of treats into a taxi and headed to Jaylan's house, our adopted aunt. I'd help her plan a bang up holiday party for Dec 12 (a roaring success on all counts - catered by Sally & Sarah, bartending by new friend Anthony, music by pianist Michael. Chocolate fountain, duck terrines, meatballs, cheeseballs, crab dip, the whole nine yards) and we had some leftovers carefully frozen for celebrating Christmas (though none of us are practicing Christians: I'd make some clever comment about Turks and Baha'is here but none spring to mind). So it was party dedux on a smaller scale of 4 - crab, cheeseballs, other snacks with bubbles (or not, as one liked). Sarah showed us how to make a bunch of lamb chops out of cooking a rack altogether; rich and delicious. The ladies took Jaylan's dog Ziggy (a hilarious Scottie with a prancing walk) out for a Christmas constitutional down to the waterfront and looked at all the tourists out looking themselves.

After our delicious candlelit dinner, we set up the projector and watched The Treasure of the Sierra Madre, one of the better movies I've seen in a long time. Bogart gives a realistic and gripping portrayal of man slowly going mad, a friend told me it's like a crime noir set in the mountains. That's it exactly. Perhaps a tad slow in the middle, but then the pace takes right back off again. I was pleasantly surprised at the ending - not cliché in the least and quite fitting wrap up. Watch it. The new Wallace and Gromit short wasn't near so good - I was disappointed.

It was a lovely day spent with lovely folks; seemed fitting to pause in the middle of the crazy season. In the next installment: New Year, New Travel Destination. Stay tuned!