Musicals! And other adventures

Went on Tuesday to see Avenue Q, one of my favorite musicals ever. English school I teach at had group tickets, so a bunch of staff went along to laugh at the antics. How can I not love a musical that starts with "What can you do with a BA in English?" and goes on from there? The jokes about the Japanese immigrant "I'm coming to this country for opportunity" are even funnier now that I've been working to prevent folks from saying that very thing.

Along with that fun, I went out for drinks with some of my current and former students on Wednesday. We had the typical cultural San Francisco experience of having issues deciding on where to go, but finally found a spot that was close and looked good. Only problem is that they brought other friends along too from current classes or what have you, so we had a group of almost 16 trying to find room in bars during happy hour downtown. Went to a couple different ones, then got a big outdoor table (though it was a little chilly). One of them shared these hilarious maps with me: The world according to San Francisco, and Europe according to the US. I like this art a whole bunch, and laughed at things like all of Russia being "Commies". I like the rest of this artist's work as well, check it out!

Worth a giggle or two; I find my stereotype jokes increasing almost daily!

English Episodes #10 - the fun continues

The classroom antics never stop!

My class did charades to practice present continuous. After doing a big round, they made up some sentences that the other team had to act out and guess the exact sentence. These included:
"I'm running in Golden Gate Park."
"We are looking for a girlfriend."
"They're talking about movies."
"I'm waiting for Obama."
"We are losing our head."
"You are fighting with a pig."
"I'm thinking about my job."
"I'm speaking in France."
"We're running the Marathon in New York."
"She's riding crazy sheep."
"They're watching a adult video." (I had to explain more what this meant afterwards...)
"I'm riding a horse."
"He's surfing on the ocean."
"You're making a sandwich in the kitchen."
"She's fighting her friends."
"He's watching the movie 'Titanic'."

Earlier one of the clues was "eating turkey." The mimer pointed to the student who is from Turkey and everyone instantly guessed. Incredible.
"Baking bread" the mimer grabs my arm and goes as if to bite it. Ummm, what? Turns out he confused biting with baking. Whoops.

My drawing is very, ummm, modern at times. This causes endless amusement. I draw a whale, they say "a flower?" I draw a parrot, they say "a penguin?"

Student: "What's the word - they are married and go on vacation?"
Me: "Honeymoon."

"In 10 years we are going to use fly car. In 50 years we are going to teleport and digital glasses. In 100 years we are going to live in Outer Space in the moon. Housekeepers and pets are robots machines."

"In 100 years we're going to communicate with external world people (alien) by new language. In 100 years we're going to read your thoughts."

"It's a very important man."
"God?"

"My facebook [name] is Handsome Guy. Brad Pitt."
[. . .]
"You're 23? Not 15?"

"Hair? I don't understand. I don't have."

Message vs massage. I explain there's quite a difference between the two...

"Long time you sit... Very big ass."

They write down the name of someone famous and then become that person for a party. It includes 2 Obamas, 2 Brad Pitts, Angelina Jolie, Beyoncé, Einstein, David Beckham, JFK, John Lennon... I stop the exercise by saying the police have shown up, so the party is shut down.

English Episodes #9 - dramatic creations

I had my class write skits using social English phrases. The instructions were for them to be ridiculous and use as many of the phrases as possible, everything else was up to them. Voilà some of the results (taken from the actual manuscripts, errors intact):

Boss & New Employee
-Good morning Boss. How are you?
-I'm feeling bad because I drunk too much last night. How are you?
-I'm feeling so good today! I'm very happy to work with you! It's my first day! I'm so excited!
-Oh! Sorry. Can you speak more quietly please? I'm tired (sneeze).
-Bless you.
-Can I take a nap?
-Excuse me?
-No problems! It doesn't matter. Do anything you want to work. I'm gonna take a nap...
-What?
-I'm going back home, ok? See you tomorrow!
-Wahoo, he's very crazy!

Police Officer & Alice
-Good morning Madame.
-Silence please.
-What? Is time to get up! What's your name?
-Alice. Why?
-Are you drank Alice?
-No! (and after she take tequila bottle for drink and she say) Cheers!
-Go out of the car! Show me your drink! Is really a tequila?
-Yes is a tequila.
-Good I like it, cheers.
-Cheers.
-Give me you key! I want to drive your car.
-Ok we change our car. Nice to meet you. Goodbye.
-Bye.

Harry Potter at a party
-Cheers!
-Cheers!
-What's your name?
-I'm Hermione.
-Nice to meet you Hermione.
-What's your name?
-My name is Harry Potter. How old are you?
-I'm 15 years old and you?
-I'm 256 years old.
-It's 9 o'clock, it's the time to go to bed for you!
-Same to you!!! Have you seen my friend Hagrid?
-It's a joke, you are really from the movie? Achoo!
-Bless you.
-Thanks.
-I'm the real Harry Potter. You can know my robe, my glasses, my scarf. Would you like to dance with me? (*I started thinking at this point "will the real Slim Shady please stand up..." - BQ)
-No.
-Why?
-You are too old for me. I say you goodbye.
-See you tomorrow.
-No, see you never. Goodnight.
-I'm not lucky with the young girl.

Two students (named omitted to protect privacy)
-How are you?
-I'm terrible.
-Why? Do you have a cold?
-Yes, I have a cold. Achoo!
-Bless you. Oh, I saw you outside at 3:00 AM last night. What did you do last night?
-I went clubbing to the club.
-Did you met handsome guys? My friend said me you're very good dancer.
-Just kidding. I met many handsome guys. So, I was so happy. But, I fell down while I was dancing. So, I scraped my knee.
-Oh, yesterday was a terrible and happy day. Because, you met handsome guys and scraped your knee and caught a cold.
-Yes, I was so embarrassed. So I run outside and I fell down again.
-HAHAHAHA. You shouldn't go the club.
-I think so. I'm so tired.
-You'd better take a rest. Have a good weekend.
-Thanks. Same to you.

Two dudes... (names omitted).
-Good morning. I'm _______.
-Nice to meet you. ______.
-How are you?
-Fine thanks.
-Achoo!
-Bless you.
-Thanks.
-Excuse me.
-Yes, can I help you?
-Yes, I need a tissue.
-Of course!!!
-Thank you so much. Oh sorry! I'm sick because I had slept with your sister the last night. She was sick!!!
-Me too, don't worry!! (*He slept with his own sister or he slept with the other guy's sister? I decided not to probe too deeply here. - BQ)
-What did you do with my sister the last night?
-Nothing, nothing! We watched a movie in her bed!!!
-And then?...
-Only sleep, of course!!!
-Oh, you are my brother-in-law!
-No! Is a good friend only see her sometimes!! I have wife!
-What? I don't understand you!!! I heat you!
-Ok. Cheers for this!!!
-Cheers.
-I have a question.
-What?
-What was her name?
-Her name is Rosia Fred.
-Oh. She is Fred sister. She isn't my sister.
-Really? (*At this point "Fred" gets up and makes threatening moves towards them. Ah, drama!)
-Sorry, I go back at my house. Have a good weekend.
-Same to you.
-See you tomorrow.
-Bye! See you then!

I had each group do the skits twice so that we could listen for different things. When this last group was told to slow down, they did the first few exchanges in extreme slow motion. Complete hams...

English Episodes #8 - Love is in the air

More from the archives of this past month in pre-intermediate English land. I feel like most of them are funny without any kind of context, so here we go (unless indicated otherwise, these are all student exchanges and comments):

"My neighbors are beautiful women."

Older people stink, are nosy, boring, lonely, kind and think young people are imprudent. Ah, the joys of stereotyping about the generation gap.

"Where is my hand?"
"In your pocket."

"I'm the most expensive in Korea. You?"

"Korea has many handsome men. Like me."

"What is die?"
"I show you."

"Are you spongy?"
"No, I am hard."

Listening to social English phrases, everyone yawns in unison repeating "Goodnight!" The voice that says the numbers sounds like the announcer for movie previews - it's pretty darn exciting.

I draw a shuttlecock (we're doing sports words) much to the class's derision. So another student comes and draws a better one. His is superior, though mine is still bigger (comparatives!).

"Your garden is your beard."

Pronunciation! I was observed by one of the big bosses and had them do activity with country names and nationalities. The ending exercise was finding stress patterns. Thus my boss and I are trying not to die laughing as we hear pairs saying things like: "I-tal-y" "i-TAL-y" "i-tal-Y" over and over and over again trying to decide where the stress falls. Incredible.

Working with a private very advanced student, something with an assassin came up. He decided this was an intern assassin working on his 10,000 hours to then make professional status.