English Episodes #10 - the fun continues

The classroom antics never stop!

My class did charades to practice present continuous. After doing a big round, they made up some sentences that the other team had to act out and guess the exact sentence. These included:
"I'm running in Golden Gate Park."
"We are looking for a girlfriend."
"They're talking about movies."
"I'm waiting for Obama."
"We are losing our head."
"You are fighting with a pig."
"I'm thinking about my job."
"I'm speaking in France."
"We're running the Marathon in New York."
"She's riding crazy sheep."
"They're watching a adult video." (I had to explain more what this meant afterwards...)
"I'm riding a horse."
"He's surfing on the ocean."
"You're making a sandwich in the kitchen."
"She's fighting her friends."
"He's watching the movie 'Titanic'."

Earlier one of the clues was "eating turkey." The mimer pointed to the student who is from Turkey and everyone instantly guessed. Incredible.
"Baking bread" the mimer grabs my arm and goes as if to bite it. Ummm, what? Turns out he confused biting with baking. Whoops.

My drawing is very, ummm, modern at times. This causes endless amusement. I draw a whale, they say "a flower?" I draw a parrot, they say "a penguin?"

Student: "What's the word - they are married and go on vacation?"
Me: "Honeymoon."

"In 10 years we are going to use fly car. In 50 years we are going to teleport and digital glasses. In 100 years we are going to live in Outer Space in the moon. Housekeepers and pets are robots machines."

"In 100 years we're going to communicate with external world people (alien) by new language. In 100 years we're going to read your thoughts."

"It's a very important man."
"God?"

"My facebook [name] is Handsome Guy. Brad Pitt."
[. . .]
"You're 23? Not 15?"

"Hair? I don't understand. I don't have."

Message vs massage. I explain there's quite a difference between the two...

"Long time you sit... Very big ass."

They write down the name of someone famous and then become that person for a party. It includes 2 Obamas, 2 Brad Pitts, Angelina Jolie, Beyoncé, Einstein, David Beckham, JFK, John Lennon... I stop the exercise by saying the police have shown up, so the party is shut down.

English Episodes #9 - dramatic creations

I had my class write skits using social English phrases. The instructions were for them to be ridiculous and use as many of the phrases as possible, everything else was up to them. Voilà some of the results (taken from the actual manuscripts, errors intact):

Boss & New Employee
-Good morning Boss. How are you?
-I'm feeling bad because I drunk too much last night. How are you?
-I'm feeling so good today! I'm very happy to work with you! It's my first day! I'm so excited!
-Oh! Sorry. Can you speak more quietly please? I'm tired (sneeze).
-Bless you.
-Can I take a nap?
-Excuse me?
-No problems! It doesn't matter. Do anything you want to work. I'm gonna take a nap...
-What?
-I'm going back home, ok? See you tomorrow!
-Wahoo, he's very crazy!

Police Officer & Alice
-Good morning Madame.
-Silence please.
-What? Is time to get up! What's your name?
-Alice. Why?
-Are you drank Alice?
-No! (and after she take tequila bottle for drink and she say) Cheers!
-Go out of the car! Show me your drink! Is really a tequila?
-Yes is a tequila.
-Good I like it, cheers.
-Cheers.
-Give me you key! I want to drive your car.
-Ok we change our car. Nice to meet you. Goodbye.
-Bye.

Harry Potter at a party
-Cheers!
-Cheers!
-What's your name?
-I'm Hermione.
-Nice to meet you Hermione.
-What's your name?
-My name is Harry Potter. How old are you?
-I'm 15 years old and you?
-I'm 256 years old.
-It's 9 o'clock, it's the time to go to bed for you!
-Same to you!!! Have you seen my friend Hagrid?
-It's a joke, you are really from the movie? Achoo!
-Bless you.
-Thanks.
-I'm the real Harry Potter. You can know my robe, my glasses, my scarf. Would you like to dance with me? (*I started thinking at this point "will the real Slim Shady please stand up..." - BQ)
-No.
-Why?
-You are too old for me. I say you goodbye.
-See you tomorrow.
-No, see you never. Goodnight.
-I'm not lucky with the young girl.

Two students (named omitted to protect privacy)
-How are you?
-I'm terrible.
-Why? Do you have a cold?
-Yes, I have a cold. Achoo!
-Bless you. Oh, I saw you outside at 3:00 AM last night. What did you do last night?
-I went clubbing to the club.
-Did you met handsome guys? My friend said me you're very good dancer.
-Just kidding. I met many handsome guys. So, I was so happy. But, I fell down while I was dancing. So, I scraped my knee.
-Oh, yesterday was a terrible and happy day. Because, you met handsome guys and scraped your knee and caught a cold.
-Yes, I was so embarrassed. So I run outside and I fell down again.
-HAHAHAHA. You shouldn't go the club.
-I think so. I'm so tired.
-You'd better take a rest. Have a good weekend.
-Thanks. Same to you.

Two dudes... (names omitted).
-Good morning. I'm _______.
-Nice to meet you. ______.
-How are you?
-Fine thanks.
-Achoo!
-Bless you.
-Thanks.
-Excuse me.
-Yes, can I help you?
-Yes, I need a tissue.
-Of course!!!
-Thank you so much. Oh sorry! I'm sick because I had slept with your sister the last night. She was sick!!!
-Me too, don't worry!! (*He slept with his own sister or he slept with the other guy's sister? I decided not to probe too deeply here. - BQ)
-What did you do with my sister the last night?
-Nothing, nothing! We watched a movie in her bed!!!
-And then?...
-Only sleep, of course!!!
-Oh, you are my brother-in-law!
-No! Is a good friend only see her sometimes!! I have wife!
-What? I don't understand you!!! I heat you!
-Ok. Cheers for this!!!
-Cheers.
-I have a question.
-What?
-What was her name?
-Her name is Rosia Fred.
-Oh. She is Fred sister. She isn't my sister.
-Really? (*At this point "Fred" gets up and makes threatening moves towards them. Ah, drama!)
-Sorry, I go back at my house. Have a good weekend.
-Same to you.
-See you tomorrow.
-Bye! See you then!

I had each group do the skits twice so that we could listen for different things. When this last group was told to slow down, they did the first few exchanges in extreme slow motion. Complete hams...

English Episodes #8 - Love is in the air

More from the archives of this past month in pre-intermediate English land. I feel like most of them are funny without any kind of context, so here we go (unless indicated otherwise, these are all student exchanges and comments):

"My neighbors are beautiful women."

Older people stink, are nosy, boring, lonely, kind and think young people are imprudent. Ah, the joys of stereotyping about the generation gap.

"Where is my hand?"
"In your pocket."

"I'm the most expensive in Korea. You?"

"Korea has many handsome men. Like me."

"What is die?"
"I show you."

"Are you spongy?"
"No, I am hard."

Listening to social English phrases, everyone yawns in unison repeating "Goodnight!" The voice that says the numbers sounds like the announcer for movie previews - it's pretty darn exciting.

I draw a shuttlecock (we're doing sports words) much to the class's derision. So another student comes and draws a better one. His is superior, though mine is still bigger (comparatives!).

"Your garden is your beard."

Pronunciation! I was observed by one of the big bosses and had them do activity with country names and nationalities. The ending exercise was finding stress patterns. Thus my boss and I are trying not to die laughing as we hear pairs saying things like: "I-tal-y" "i-TAL-y" "i-tal-Y" over and over and over again trying to decide where the stress falls. Incredible.

Working with a private very advanced student, something with an assassin came up. He decided this was an intern assassin working on his 10,000 hours to then make professional status.

English updates #7

January saw us finishing the book and everyone taking a level test and PASSING! As of 25 Jan I now teach pre-intermediate (excited because got to stay with my class). But fear not, the hilarity ensues...

"Sometimes I am selfish in my girlfriend." Ummmm, ok...

Doing superlatives, we lined up according to who was the tallest/shortest, oldest/youngest, etc. I asked who was the most dangerous... and the class left me to stand all alone in that part of the room.

Going around to review names, I had students say the name of the person to their right. Our regular class clown is supposed to say mine but instead says, "I only remember pretty girls' names."
"Good thing I'm a woman then," I reply (which goes right over his head).

Cooking can be dangerous because of kitchen ninjas. I attacked them with my knife as I was modeling "chop" and then continued to cut up whatever it was that I was cutting. You know, kitchen ninjas, right? They attack all the time.

Acting out adverbs (adverbs are way fun to teach), I had 2 groups of students miming things like "Order coffee politely," "Play chess well," "Walk proudly." After they'd finished, the groups came up with some more for the other team to mime. We all stopped to watch one student who was acting out (did we but know!) "Ride a horse aggressively." His mime was a bit like doing the mashed potato as he pumped his fists in and out from his chest while galloping hard across the room. The best part was that no one could guess so he just kept doing it, over and over and over. We were all laughing so very hard. Use this the next time you play a miming game - it's a treat.

A colleague told us in the teacher's room that one of her students sleeps with tweezers every night. She can't fall asleep unless she has them in her hand. We speculated as to what the TSA would say (they were on the hazardous object list) and how exactly she started. Was it a conscious decision? Or a serious of odd events?

A jealous husband will search his wife's bag, check the numbers she calls on her phone, follow her, and otherwise try and control her. Be warned.

"When you don't eat you diet."

"Wife, it's a scary word."

"I use L'oreal for my hair." He has perhaps 1 inch worth of hair. But it is very shiny.

From a email written to make hotel reservation (on asking about bar services): "water I could find in the bathroom." Another student wanted to have a "sweet room." I had them write to make reservations as if they were rich and had an entourage as well.